3 Months Post Surgery

So, everything was going really well, Well enough that even I was shocked at how well I was doing. well, we all know what happens when we say that. I had been tapering off the methadone since the surgery (not by choice). I wanted to get off the same way i did the fentanyl lozenges and just never get back on any of them. Well, i was on 80mg prior to surgery each day and left the hospital on 60mg without a problem. Each week, I would drop 5mg and it would kind of hurt for a day or two, and then go away, so no problem. Well at the end of april, the 27th to be exact, I was done tapering and was completely off the methadone. Those first three days were the worst. I felt like my bones were breaking in each part of my body and it would continually do it over and over again. I read online that someone called it feeling like "barbed wire was wrapped around your bones". Well, I also read that baths and things like that would help a lot. So, i think I took about 50 baths a day for that. Mom was there with me and after 72 hours, i felt much better, so i'm thinking that it is over with. Well, that 4th day, I couldn't get up without passing out and feeling so weak that I was going to pass out. Mom took me to the doctor and my blood pressure was 80/50 and my pulse was 60. I had been so tired that entire weekend and just thought I was coming down with something. Well, the doctor thought it may be the clonodine that the hospital put me on for the withdrawal. (Let me tell you- it doesn't help a bit). Clonodine, not Klonopin, is designed for people with high blood pressure, but the .1mg is used to help with withdrawal. Mine is usually always low, so do not stop taking it cold turkey otherwise it will sky rocket your blood pressure. So, I go home from the doctor and feel okay, just weak and go and lie down on the couch. This is when I didn't know that wednesday night would be the last time I would sleep for 5 days. The withdrawal pain came back, but just in my arms this time. I took something called legatrim PM at night thinking it would help me sleep and it did actually take the pain from my legs. Well, me being me, I did a bunch of research online and I come to find out that methadone withdrawal can last up to like 6 weeks. I also read that all these peole were saying to drop 1mg per week so you wouldn't feel the effect of the withdrawal. Come on... 5mg can do this much damage?! YES!!! So at this point, i'm only through week 1 and thinking this is Bad!!! I read that you can take a bunch of things to help with the withdrawal. I'll give you the website for them, but you need to make sure you have something to help you sleep. My back and neck were so painful for not ever sleeping a second in 5 days. you don't think of that when you're lying awake. it didn't matter how exhausted I was at night, my body wouldn't sleep a second and this is VERY Common. You'll need to take a bunch of pills and they do help. Here's the site I found that listed out everything you'll need- http://www.dpeg.org/treatment/methadone_withdrawal.htm. Trust me, they are right when they say that doing this outpatient is a nightmare and you will feel like you are going to die even though you won't. Well, Week 2 came along and at this point, i couldn't keep any food down and fully dressed in my sweats and sweatpants, I couldn't touch 100lbs. You'll feel very cold all the time and I can't even express the sneezing. I can sneeze like 6 times in a row. it's a side effect of the withdrawal. Once the worst pain and everything is over, you'll just kind of feel like you have a cold for a few weeks. Well, no food, no sleep, weight loss like crazy, and low blood pressure meant it was time to call the doctor. I didn't know who to call because my family doctor was out of the office, so I called my gastroenterologist who has taken care of me for years. He admitted me to the hospital and came to check on me hours later. He looked at me and said, " I just saw you two weeks ago, what the hell happened?" I was pale, feverish, and so weak it was unbelieveable. Nothing would stay down no matter how many differnt kinds of anti-nausea drugs they gave me via my IV. The other down side is at this point you're so dehydrated, it's almost impossible to get an IV. I'm a hard stick anyways and my veins are tiny, so this made it worse. I was in the hospital from monday to friday and we probably went through 10-15 IV's. Oncology was called and everything. After getting sick so many times, i finally called thursday night at midnight to my nurse and begged her to find someone to get an IV. IV meds was the only way I was going to sleep and possibly not get sick AS MUCH. They called this nurse administrator that worked in the ER for 18 years and she got an IV in my hand on the first try and I didn't feel a thing. The down side was that my vein was so small, phenergan couldn't get through. If you ever are in this situation, you want phenergan. it's an anti-nausea med and it makes you super sleepy. I was given ativan to help me relax and compezine for the nausea. Those two together will make you sleep but you're kind of stuck in half awake, half asleep mode because I sent quite a few babbling emails that made no sense to some of my customers on my blackberry. Make your husband or someone take away your phone!! My mind was thinking it was still working and had things to do, but the body was sleeping. Honestly, I don't know if you could get through that second week with the nausea without the help of a doctor or something. I am at the end of week three and working normally again. They sent me home on librium, ativan, and ambien. Ambien will help you sleep and take the ativan with it so your body can relax. I truly think I'm over the worst part, but I can look back on it and think to myself, how did I get through that???? You are stronger than you realize, but no one should have to suffer like that, especially when there was no rush to rush off the meds. Now I wanted off of them asap, but I wouldn't choose the way I did it. Talk to your doctors, inform them of what is going on... my gastro doctor had no idea what I was going through for that first week and he would have done everything he could to make it comfortable and ok. I still feel like i have a cold and sneeze constantly but no pain or anything and I cannot wait until this period of my life is over. If you've lived with chronic pancreatitis, you know it sucks and you want it gone, but there have been times where I think I would have taken that pain back then go through what I went through a few times in the past couple of months. Also, my gastro doctor realized that my digestive enzymes weren't strong enough, so we switched to Creon 20, which are like 3 times stronger. Just keep in check with your body and if something doesn't feel right, write it down and talk to your doctor. I am so used to doing things on my own that I suffered when I shouldn't have. And Thank God for family and friends that are supportive and can understand what you are going through and don't push you away. You need the support and you need someone to talk to. On the other subject, I tried the vivarian root and melatonin to help me sleep and it did nothing. Get a prescription sleep aid. Trust me. I had the vivarian root, melatonin, an OTC sleep aid, and tylenol PM and still couldn't sleep a wink. You will start going crazy without sleep. So, In all, This has been the worst thing that has happened since surgery, but it had to happen and I am just glad to be working my way past it. Good luck to you all that is going through this surgery. Oh, I don't think I ever mentioned this, but the first night of surgery, you are going to feel like you can't do it, it gets much better the second day, especially when they adjust your pain pump as needed. Take short shallow breaths and it won't hurt so bad. Breathing is what is going to hurt the worst. I constantly felt like I had to sit up or lie down. Do it as often as you want. No one knows what you're going through and seconds of comfort is worth it. I go back on May 21st for my 3 month check up since I was in the hospital for my first appt on the 7th. I'll let you know what I find out! I have pictures of my scar on my myspace page. it's not too bad. trust me. it'll be worth it and hey, scars are like tattoos but with better stories. Love to you all! Nicole